Experiment Back On

Ok after all this time, suddenly putting the experiment back on felt like the right thing to do. I invited the workaholic man to an event that I won tickets to. So I guess it's back on. I mean really, how long can I feel sorry for myself? Later I'll tell you about the Pity Party I'm thinking of throwing myself. In the meantime I have a fun, luxurious date with a hot, successful man. Will I put it all out on the table and see what he's looking for--suggest a little more effort? Or just have fun, enjoy the moment and continue on in this weird pattern we've entered of talking once every three months? Time will tell. I'll get back to you. In the mean time you can start thinking of all the things you love about me for my Pity Party. :)

Baggage Claim

Well it's been a while since I've checked in with you (or with myself for that matter) about this whole damn process. Warning: this blog is going to drift from a dating blog to more of a journal of self-exploration. First I shall update you with the experiment. Although I didn't step to the challenge of putting myself out there face-to-face with the workaholic I did call him recently for other reasons and realized for the final time that this man is not for me.

There has been crisis going on in my family. This is such a huge topic that I don't even know where to go from that sentence. It's one of those things that I don't even know if talking/writing about it is a good idea. No one can really understand and therefore what is the worth of letting people in? In situations such as these you have to be mindful choosing who you let in because some cause more pain when they attempt to help.

Real sympathy and empathy is a blessing and a curse wouldn't you say? Add to that the bond of mother/daughter--a relationship of reciprocal knowing--which deepens the emotions.

My mom can't walk. Bleh. She has fought a nerve disease since she was 18. Happy Holidays came with a vengeance for her this year, adding more fear, more struggles, more pain, more emotion, deep sadness. Funny, those descriptions describe us both so clearly yet she is the one that is disabled.

Needless to say dating has been the farthest thing on my mind. Alternately, having a partner has been a prevalent thought. The before mentioned successful man/workaholic is in the health field so I called on him for assistance. Although he talked big and sounded helpful initially, when the time came that I actually asked for his help (an evaluation visit to my mom) he didn't call till many hours too late, stating an emergency had come up. Bleh to that as well. See, I don't believe this man's words. I think he says what he thinks you want to hear. He is closed off. Not for me. Experiment cancelled.

Now back to the deeper issue. How significantly easier this all would be with a partner to help. But here I am with more baggage than I can carry and I expect and hope a man will join me on this journey? At this point in time that idea is laughable.

You Attract What You Are

The below mentioned experiment is off to a s-l-o-w start. I made some effort to see this man before the Thanksgiving holiday when he was leaving town. But, honestly it really wasn't a determined effort. This man will be good practice for me, but he just doesn't spark that motivation to pursue. And since I’ve vowed to follow my gut, this experiment takes some more effort.

Recently a thought has been circling and resurfacing and frankly causing some discomfort in my brain. They say "like attracts like" or “you are what you attract.” So if my complaint is that every man I meet is incapable of true emotion and/or an emotional connection, what does that say about me?

The good news, I tell myself, is that the kind of man I am attracted to is changing. It used to be the extremely good looking, bad boy or in other words the emotionally incapable. Now those turn me off a bit. Phew.

I am determined to invite this hard working (nice way of saying workaholic), successful man over for dinner, woo him with food, wine and finally ask him directly what it is he’s really looking for. If he proves to be slightly of the abovementioned category then I’m dunzo with money man.
Thanks for your support.

A Man and an Experiment

As much as I hate this fact, dating is a game, wondering what to do, how to do it right. Do I call today? Do I call tomorrow? Next week? He said "___" what does that mean? I'm tired of trying to do the right thing with dating. My goal is to follow my gut from now on.


There is man I haven't told you about. We have gone out on a handful of dates over a year span. We met at a benefit for a mutual friend who had tragically (and way prematurely) had a brain aneurism and then a stroke on the operating table. Luckily she survived and still works on her physical re-gain daily. Back to the man. Meeting this tall, handsome, successful specimen as well as our seeming connection felt real good. It was a story you'd want to tell people. "We met at a benefit, we were drawn to each other, we've been in love ever since..." Except for the “been in love ever since” part. See, although everything seemed right from the meeting and the subsequent interactions it turns out that this man is married to his career and education. At the time he was getting his doctorate and he already has an extremely successful career and business on the side. Need I reiterate? Extremely successful.


We have a really nice connection. Magic kisses as we've said, something that draws us physically together. But, no follow through. He would talk about having more time for other things in his life when he finished his doctorate, but I was always skeptical. And then after great dates and one follow up call or text the next day I wouldn't hear from him for weeks or months. He was showing me that he isn't looking for the same thing I am at this time. I want that gotta be with you kind of love.


Now to the experiment in mind, but first let me tell you the inspiration. The last time I saw this man was two and a half months ago. We had a great date--fun and romantic. After a nice follow up text the next day we haven't contacted each other since. This morning we texted each other at the exact same time. Weird, right? So I wonder what could happen with this man if I put more effort of pursuing in. I mean, I've thought to myself that I have no game. I don't know how to capture a man. This one I have no emotional ties to. We have fun together and an attraction, but he hasn't shown me that he can give the kind of connection that I'm looking for. What if I practice my game with him? Who knows what could happen, right?

Broken Age Barrier

Initial meeting with The Talker and I broke the age barrier! Maybe it was a barrier that I created on my own and maybe I was the only one blocked by this "he must be hot" barrier, but still, this date proves that it's broken.

eHarmony first meeting with a man 7 years older than I (not the long winded emailer previously mentioned). In my past older was unheard of. I mean, I live young, I think young, I look young (well, I used to...I look younger than I am...I hope!) Based on the profile and pictures of this older gentleman I wasn't sure that he would have been a match; I thought maybe too dorky for me. It seems that my confidant and closest girlfriend is owed gratitude for the connection. She said "I wish for you a fun night! I don't care about expectations or any of that, I just hope you go out and have a fun night!" That hope for me changed my outlook on the night and it turned out to be a good one. We met at a nice bar and each paid for our own drinks and talked and talked for two hours plus. We laughed, we had common interests, and we shared insight and information. Even with receding grey hair I could see myself kissing him. This may not sound like such a break through to you, but to me it is leaps and bounds. Some day I'll tell you about the greatest age difference in a relationship that I've experienced. I wasn't the young one.

Anyway, for now we'll call him The Talker, because he did have a lot to say. But he listened too and for now what he has to say is interesting. Normally I find it incredibly annoying when people talk too much, but The Talker stays on track, he lets you add comments and questions, he is not is his own world, he is aware. I can sense honesty about him which you have to respect.

The end of the "date" was a little awkward. He walked me to my car and getting ready for the goodbye suddenly got tense. Where he was totally secure talking on a bar stool, he seemed unsure maybe even insecure standing next to me near my car. A little more small talk, then a sudden, hard kiss on the cheek and a hug, a goodbye and he walked off. The kiss on the cheek came from no where; the timing was off so although I hugged him back I didn't reciprocate the kiss. Oh well, on to the next date and let’s make this one an official date.

Is it rude to give someone advice on a dating website?

So, eHarmony is a lot of work. Once you are matched with someone you go through a series of questions before you start communicating with them. Although I am appreciative of the process I still think you really have to meet someone face to face before you can decide if they are a true match for you. I like to go through the questions and men's profiles, but I don't take the process too seriously; I want to meet the person face to face.

Recently I made it through the round of questions with a match. Once we got to the "open communication" phase I received a looooooooooooong email from him with every detail of work, recent surgery, etc, etc. Honestly, I didn't even read the whole damn thing. Now I'm considering my response. Part of me wants to say, dude, seriously? Do you want a relationship with my email or with me? Is it rude to tell him?

Ok, so I'll find a tactful way to respond, but I'm thinking that if I was doing something that turned someone off, something that was that simple to fix, I'd probably want to know about it.

Dating is a Part-Time Job

It’s not a surprise that there are many single people in their late 30s and over. Dating is exhausting. You have to put your best foot forward and with life’s daily responsibilities this really takes effort. It takes time to get to know someone, time for a spark to grow and who has that time anymore? When I do get free time there is a list of friends that I don't get to see often enough that could trump a meeting with someone new that hasn't ignited a spark quite yet.


At this point people my age are most likely settled with their jobs, friends, sometimes kids, home ownership, etc. It’s like an additional part-time job to date and look for a partner. Once a single woman even older than I said to me “well, don’t wait too long to settle down or you’ll end up alone.” I mean, it really is a choice right? I guess if I really chose to just be with someone I could have been with the last loser that liked me. Does that mean I’m not putting in the effort needed to find the kind of person and/or relationship I want?


Feels to me like I’ve put in the effort. I’ve made my list of desired traits in a mate, I’ve done the damn affirmations, I online date, I attend singles events, I tell friends I want to be set up, I’ve put myself out there in many ways. Is it that the men are not willing to put in the effort? Sure seems like the ones I meet aren’t. Am I looking in the wrong places? Is it really a matter of timing and fate? Who knows? For me, I just try to live in the moment and be thankful for the joy that is in my life already. Because if life really turns out the way you choose, then I am single by choice.