Baggage Claim

Well it's been a while since I've checked in with you (or with myself for that matter) about this whole damn process. Warning: this blog is going to drift from a dating blog to more of a journal of self-exploration. First I shall update you with the experiment. Although I didn't step to the challenge of putting myself out there face-to-face with the workaholic I did call him recently for other reasons and realized for the final time that this man is not for me.

There has been crisis going on in my family. This is such a huge topic that I don't even know where to go from that sentence. It's one of those things that I don't even know if talking/writing about it is a good idea. No one can really understand and therefore what is the worth of letting people in? In situations such as these you have to be mindful choosing who you let in because some cause more pain when they attempt to help.

Real sympathy and empathy is a blessing and a curse wouldn't you say? Add to that the bond of mother/daughter--a relationship of reciprocal knowing--which deepens the emotions.

My mom can't walk. Bleh. She has fought a nerve disease since she was 18. Happy Holidays came with a vengeance for her this year, adding more fear, more struggles, more pain, more emotion, deep sadness. Funny, those descriptions describe us both so clearly yet she is the one that is disabled.

Needless to say dating has been the farthest thing on my mind. Alternately, having a partner has been a prevalent thought. The before mentioned successful man/workaholic is in the health field so I called on him for assistance. Although he talked big and sounded helpful initially, when the time came that I actually asked for his help (an evaluation visit to my mom) he didn't call till many hours too late, stating an emergency had come up. Bleh to that as well. See, I don't believe this man's words. I think he says what he thinks you want to hear. He is closed off. Not for me. Experiment cancelled.

Now back to the deeper issue. How significantly easier this all would be with a partner to help. But here I am with more baggage than I can carry and I expect and hope a man will join me on this journey? At this point in time that idea is laughable.