Is it rude to give someone advice on a dating website?

So, eHarmony is a lot of work. Once you are matched with someone you go through a series of questions before you start communicating with them. Although I am appreciative of the process I still think you really have to meet someone face to face before you can decide if they are a true match for you. I like to go through the questions and men's profiles, but I don't take the process too seriously; I want to meet the person face to face.

Recently I made it through the round of questions with a match. Once we got to the "open communication" phase I received a looooooooooooong email from him with every detail of work, recent surgery, etc, etc. Honestly, I didn't even read the whole damn thing. Now I'm considering my response. Part of me wants to say, dude, seriously? Do you want a relationship with my email or with me? Is it rude to tell him?

Ok, so I'll find a tactful way to respond, but I'm thinking that if I was doing something that turned someone off, something that was that simple to fix, I'd probably want to know about it.

Dating is a Part-Time Job

It’s not a surprise that there are many single people in their late 30s and over. Dating is exhausting. You have to put your best foot forward and with life’s daily responsibilities this really takes effort. It takes time to get to know someone, time for a spark to grow and who has that time anymore? When I do get free time there is a list of friends that I don't get to see often enough that could trump a meeting with someone new that hasn't ignited a spark quite yet.


At this point people my age are most likely settled with their jobs, friends, sometimes kids, home ownership, etc. It’s like an additional part-time job to date and look for a partner. Once a single woman even older than I said to me “well, don’t wait too long to settle down or you’ll end up alone.” I mean, it really is a choice right? I guess if I really chose to just be with someone I could have been with the last loser that liked me. Does that mean I’m not putting in the effort needed to find the kind of person and/or relationship I want?


Feels to me like I’ve put in the effort. I’ve made my list of desired traits in a mate, I’ve done the damn affirmations, I online date, I attend singles events, I tell friends I want to be set up, I’ve put myself out there in many ways. Is it that the men are not willing to put in the effort? Sure seems like the ones I meet aren’t. Am I looking in the wrong places? Is it really a matter of timing and fate? Who knows? For me, I just try to live in the moment and be thankful for the joy that is in my life already. Because if life really turns out the way you choose, then I am single by choice.

Chubby is the New Thin

I’ve heard it said that men don’t really care about a little extra weight on a woman. Looking back, most of the men I’ve attracted and started a relationship with came at a time when I felt on the chubby side. For me, calling myself chubby is at least 10 lbs over my favorite weight. I’ve gone up and down 20 lbs so many times in my life it’s like f-in deja vus.

My weight history is opposite of most. I get chubbier when I’m single and thin out when I fall for someone rather than most people who thin out when they’re lonely and looking. Also, how I feel in my body directly correlates with how much I date. So if I’m feeling “fat” then I’m not feeling confident and therefore not putting my best self out there and not dating as much. (See post titled Qualities That Attract below.) I think I’ve felt fat for most of my life. What is wrong with our society?

I’ve noticed that my taste in attractive women is women with some extra weight on their bones. I think too skinny is unhealthy looking on a woman. Moreover, they have more wrinkles. Am I the only one that thinks chubby can be more attractive? Is chubby the new thin?

I’ve heard older women talk about life getting better with age. Oprah leads the argument on her 50s being her best decade. This year I turned 38. I almost don’t want to mention it for fear of losing it (knock on wood here), but I actually see myself differently. I actually like the look of the extra 10 pounds, even naked.

I want to hear from the men out there. If you’re not a man, ask a man in your life, one that will give an honest answer. Does it really matter? Does an extra 10-20 pounds really turn someone off?

Are you willing to start the “chubby is the new thin” movement with me?

To online date or not to online date?

That is the question. Most of my married friends (I call them “the marrieds”) say they would do it if they were single. My first experience with online dating a few years back wasn’t fruitful, but it did teach me a lot about myself and how I date. By going through the process of filling out a profile or in-depth questionnaire, you are forced to look at yourself, what you bring to a relationship and what you’re looking for in a relationship. For anyone that wants to date or eventually find a relationship I say do it! And do it with no expectation for the end result. Do it for the experience itself. You may meet a bunch of losers, but what if those losers have some hot friends? Come to think of it, I think it should be a required step for everyone that wants a relationship and can’t figure out why its not happening. What have you got to loose? You tell me, are there reasons against it?

Singles Events--a night at the ball park

Have you ever attended a singles event? The idea is great. Throw a party for singles to meet and mingle with a common goal. The best singles event I've been to--and one of only a few--was a house party, hosted by a close friend where all the invitees were single. It was during the holiday season and ended up successful for many of the guests, at least for the night. ;)

I think at the right venue a "singles night" is a great idea. --If you request suggestions or tips please comment your question on this post.--

I'm not a HUGE sports fan, but when I heard that the ball park was hosting a singles night on one of the last games of the season I thought it sounded fun. Two single girl friends and one single guy friend thought it sounded fun too.

When we got there it was a little embarrassing, almost humiliating. One area roped off with a huge sign "SINGLES NIGHT." In other words: here are all the lost souls with no luck finding love or with issues bigger than themselves.We found an excuse to walk by once or twice and then finally entered. Good thing they offered a free drink with admission because that's why we braved the roped off area.

One word: awkward. Everyone looking around at everyone else, no one quite wants to make eye contact. People talking to their friends, people alone, wandering around and around. Painful is another word. I tried to say something to the guys behind us in line to get our free drink. One looked at me as if I was speaking Martian and then continued on with their conversation.

The good thing about it was the variety of people. All different styles of dress, different races represented, and ages ranging from ~21 up to 50+. With luck anyone hypothetically could meet someone there.

My friends and I continued to chat while consciously trying to stay open to conversation with others. --At an event like this or anytime you are out specifically to meet someone you really have to make an effort to be open. More than one person is much less approachable.--

One brave woman had made a big sign to hold during the game. You know the signs people make, trying to get on tv? Along with it she brought extra poster paper and a big, fat sharpie for others to make a sign too. Props to her for her creativity. Turned out to be a good conversation starter. Suddenly I had the best idea I'd had in months. I made a sign with my "single stats." You know how on a dating website you post who you are and what you're looking for? I put it down on my poster: "5'10", Straight, Red Hair, Brown Eyes" Then I put my seat number: "Bleachers 140 row 18 seat 14."

I thoroughly entertained myself and the best part was that two men approached me before I even finished writing the sign. My two girlfriends then made signs saying "I'm with her" with an arrow pointing to me. We had fun, laughing, getting our picture taken and mingling with other people along the way.

You gotta take a risk sometimes. Bet big to win big. No fool, no fun.

In the end I met a nice guy that I was even attracted to. We had good conversation and he came to find me in my seat. We've talked on the phone and texted since then, making plans to hang out again. I'd call that a successful event.