The below mentioned experiment is off to a s-l-o-w start. I made some effort to see this man before the Thanksgiving holiday when he was leaving town. But, honestly it really wasn't a determined effort. This man will be good practice for me, but he just doesn't spark that motivation to pursue. And since I’ve vowed to follow my gut, this experiment takes some more effort.
Recently a thought has been circling and resurfacing and frankly causing some discomfort in my brain. They say "like attracts like" or “you are what you attract.” So if my complaint is that every man I meet is incapable of true emotion and/or an emotional connection, what does that say about me?
The good news, I tell myself, is that the kind of man I am attracted to is changing. It used to be the extremely good looking, bad boy or in other words the emotionally incapable. Now those turn me off a bit. Phew.
I am determined to invite this hard working (nice way of saying workaholic), successful man over for dinner, woo him with food, wine and finally ask him directly what it is he’s really looking for. If he proves to be slightly of the abovementioned category then I’m dunzo with money man.
Thanks for your support.
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Monday, November 16, 2009
A Man and an Experiment
As much as I hate this fact, dating is a game, wondering what to do, how to do it right. Do I call today? Do I call tomorrow? Next week? He said "___" what does that mean? I'm tired of trying to do the right thing with dating. My goal is to follow my gut from now on.
There is man I haven't told you about. We have gone out on a handful of dates over a year span. We met at a benefit for a mutual friend who had tragically (and way prematurely) had a brain aneurism and then a stroke on the operating table. Luckily she survived and still works on her physical re-gain daily. Back to the man. Meeting this tall, handsome, successful specimen as well as our seeming connection felt real good. It was a story you'd want to tell people. "We met at a benefit, we were drawn to each other, we've been in love ever since..." Except for the “been in love ever since” part. See, although everything seemed right from the meeting and the subsequent interactions it turns out that this man is married to his career and education. At the time he was getting his doctorate and he already has an extremely successful career and business on the side. Need I reiterate? Extremely successful.
We have a really nice connection. Magic kisses as we've said, something that draws us physically together. But, no follow through. He would talk about having more time for other things in his life when he finished his doctorate, but I was always skeptical. And then after great dates and one follow up call or text the next day I wouldn't hear from him for weeks or months. He was showing me that he isn't looking for the same thing I am at this time. I want that gotta be with you kind of love.
Now to the experiment in mind, but first let me tell you the inspiration. The last time I saw this man was two and a half months ago. We had a great date--fun and romantic. After a nice follow up text the next day we haven't contacted each other since. This morning we texted each other at the exact same time. Weird, right? So I wonder what could happen with this man if I put more effort of pursuing in. I mean, I've thought to myself that I have no game. I don't know how to capture a man. This one I have no emotional ties to. We have fun together and an attraction, but he hasn't shown me that he can give the kind of connection that I'm looking for. What if I practice my game with him? Who knows what could happen, right?
There is man I haven't told you about. We have gone out on a handful of dates over a year span. We met at a benefit for a mutual friend who had tragically (and way prematurely) had a brain aneurism and then a stroke on the operating table. Luckily she survived and still works on her physical re-gain daily. Back to the man. Meeting this tall, handsome, successful specimen as well as our seeming connection felt real good. It was a story you'd want to tell people. "We met at a benefit, we were drawn to each other, we've been in love ever since..." Except for the “been in love ever since” part. See, although everything seemed right from the meeting and the subsequent interactions it turns out that this man is married to his career and education. At the time he was getting his doctorate and he already has an extremely successful career and business on the side. Need I reiterate? Extremely successful.
We have a really nice connection. Magic kisses as we've said, something that draws us physically together. But, no follow through. He would talk about having more time for other things in his life when he finished his doctorate, but I was always skeptical. And then after great dates and one follow up call or text the next day I wouldn't hear from him for weeks or months. He was showing me that he isn't looking for the same thing I am at this time. I want that gotta be with you kind of love.
Now to the experiment in mind, but first let me tell you the inspiration. The last time I saw this man was two and a half months ago. We had a great date--fun and romantic. After a nice follow up text the next day we haven't contacted each other since. This morning we texted each other at the exact same time. Weird, right? So I wonder what could happen with this man if I put more effort of pursuing in. I mean, I've thought to myself that I have no game. I don't know how to capture a man. This one I have no emotional ties to. We have fun together and an attraction, but he hasn't shown me that he can give the kind of connection that I'm looking for. What if I practice my game with him? Who knows what could happen, right?
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Broken Age Barrier
Initial meeting with The Talker and I broke the age barrier! Maybe it was a barrier that I created on my own and maybe I was the only one blocked by this "he must be hot" barrier, but still, this date proves that it's broken.
eHarmony first meeting with a man 7 years older than I (not the long winded emailer previously mentioned). In my past older was unheard of. I mean, I live young, I think young, I look young (well, I used to...I look younger than I am...I hope!) Based on the profile and pictures of this older gentleman I wasn't sure that he would have been a match; I thought maybe too dorky for me. It seems that my confidant and closest girlfriend is owed gratitude for the connection. She said "I wish for you a fun night! I don't care about expectations or any of that, I just hope you go out and have a fun night!" That hope for me changed my outlook on the night and it turned out to be a good one. We met at a nice bar and each paid for our own drinks and talked and talked for two hours plus. We laughed, we had common interests, and we shared insight and information. Even with receding grey hair I could see myself kissing him. This may not sound like such a break through to you, but to me it is leaps and bounds. Some day I'll tell you about the greatest age difference in a relationship that I've experienced. I wasn't the young one.
Anyway, for now we'll call him The Talker, because he did have a lot to say. But he listened too and for now what he has to say is interesting. Normally I find it incredibly annoying when people talk too much, but The Talker stays on track, he lets you add comments and questions, he is not is his own world, he is aware. I can sense honesty about him which you have to respect.
The end of the "date" was a little awkward. He walked me to my car and getting ready for the goodbye suddenly got tense. Where he was totally secure talking on a bar stool, he seemed unsure maybe even insecure standing next to me near my car. A little more small talk, then a sudden, hard kiss on the cheek and a hug, a goodbye and he walked off. The kiss on the cheek came from no where; the timing was off so although I hugged him back I didn't reciprocate the kiss. Oh well, on to the next date and let’s make this one an official date.
eHarmony first meeting with a man 7 years older than I (not the long winded emailer previously mentioned). In my past older was unheard of. I mean, I live young, I think young, I look young (well, I used to...I look younger than I am...I hope!) Based on the profile and pictures of this older gentleman I wasn't sure that he would have been a match; I thought maybe too dorky for me. It seems that my confidant and closest girlfriend is owed gratitude for the connection. She said "I wish for you a fun night! I don't care about expectations or any of that, I just hope you go out and have a fun night!" That hope for me changed my outlook on the night and it turned out to be a good one. We met at a nice bar and each paid for our own drinks and talked and talked for two hours plus. We laughed, we had common interests, and we shared insight and information. Even with receding grey hair I could see myself kissing him. This may not sound like such a break through to you, but to me it is leaps and bounds. Some day I'll tell you about the greatest age difference in a relationship that I've experienced. I wasn't the young one.
Anyway, for now we'll call him The Talker, because he did have a lot to say. But he listened too and for now what he has to say is interesting. Normally I find it incredibly annoying when people talk too much, but The Talker stays on track, he lets you add comments and questions, he is not is his own world, he is aware. I can sense honesty about him which you have to respect.
The end of the "date" was a little awkward. He walked me to my car and getting ready for the goodbye suddenly got tense. Where he was totally secure talking on a bar stool, he seemed unsure maybe even insecure standing next to me near my car. A little more small talk, then a sudden, hard kiss on the cheek and a hug, a goodbye and he walked off. The kiss on the cheek came from no where; the timing was off so although I hugged him back I didn't reciprocate the kiss. Oh well, on to the next date and let’s make this one an official date.
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