What is the single most important quality to have to attract a partner?
I say its confidence. When you love yourself, others love you. When you love who you are, you put the best of yourself out in the world and people are attracted to that. I’ve found I can be confident in different areas at different times. You know what has worked for me? If I’m not feeling my best, the mantra that goes through my head as I’m falling asleep is: I love me. I love me. Over and over. If that doesn’t work, fake it till you make it! What do you think is the most important quality to have to attract a partner? And/or what do you do to lift yourself up?
Monday, September 28, 2009
Friday, September 25, 2009
What would you rather?
I'd love to hear from you! Please comment by listing the following in order of preference:
-date someone with a lower income level
-date someone with no car
-date someone with a difficult mom
-date someone with a self-degrading sense of humor
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Who pays??
This one I need help with. Especially with online dating. What’s your opinion? When is it appropriate to go dutch and when does one person treat? I know I like a man to pay for me; it seems traditional, maybe even old fashioned, but it's what I want. It shows that he wants to be there with me. I in turn will cook dinner for him and/or treat every few times.
Maybe my desire to be treated stems from my past issue of taking care of people, even supporting men financially in a relationship. (Oh, if I could take that back now how my life would be less stressful.) But, here I am. And really it seems finding a relationship is as much timing as it is anything else. In this time in my life I want to be treated, I want to attract a man who is financially stable enough to take me out. Am I asking too much?
Maybe my desire to be treated stems from my past issue of taking care of people, even supporting men financially in a relationship. (Oh, if I could take that back now how my life would be less stressful.) But, here I am. And really it seems finding a relationship is as much timing as it is anything else. In this time in my life I want to be treated, I want to attract a man who is financially stable enough to take me out. Am I asking too much?
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Being Open
As I step into this umpteenth attempt to date I realize that different age groups probably have different rules. Or is it different expectations? But isn't it ok to have some expectations at 37? I say yes.
I'm learning that most of the men don’t plan a date ahead of time but give more of a "what do you want to do? where do you want to go?" attempt at taking me out. I choose to look at that behavior as sensitive to my needs. See I've come to a place where I choose to be open.
I have turned down many a guy for reasons that now seem a bit on the picky side. Not that I regret any of them; I'm pretty happy with my place in life, even in the relationship realm. In other words, there isn't one from my past that feels like "the one that got away."
The best thing about my personal stage in dating and relationships is that I just don't care as much. I finally know what it is that I'm looking for in a relationship, which only came to awareness a few years ago, and is probably still evolving. So when a guy who hasn't yet proven to be a fit of all my partnership desires doesn't call, I don't really think twice about it.
There was a time when it would have been the only thing on my mind.
I'm learning that most of the men don’t plan a date ahead of time but give more of a "what do you want to do? where do you want to go?" attempt at taking me out. I choose to look at that behavior as sensitive to my needs. See I've come to a place where I choose to be open.
I have turned down many a guy for reasons that now seem a bit on the picky side. Not that I regret any of them; I'm pretty happy with my place in life, even in the relationship realm. In other words, there isn't one from my past that feels like "the one that got away."
The best thing about my personal stage in dating and relationships is that I just don't care as much. I finally know what it is that I'm looking for in a relationship, which only came to awareness a few years ago, and is probably still evolving. So when a guy who hasn't yet proven to be a fit of all my partnership desires doesn't call, I don't really think twice about it.
There was a time when it would have been the only thing on my mind.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Date two with "The Groper"
Below is account of a second dinner date (last June) with who's become known as "The Groper."
I was right; the Groper made no plan. “When and where do you want to meet?” via text was his response to my text: “are we still on for tonight?” Now this is a nice guy, a gentleman, a single dad, teacher, open, seemingly honest. How does a man get to 36 without learning how to ask or take a girl out? Thus far in my current quest, this is a common occurrence. I’d say at the very least 50% of the single men in my age group have no clue how to man up, ask and take the lead on a date. I wonder if it has something to do with the state of the women’s movement in our society. It’s like the back lash of our quest for equality. We have scared the men away from the confidence to reach out to a woman for a date. Or maybe he’s just not that into me (accept for when he’s drunk and gropey).
My son will know how to date. I believe that men raised by single mothers turn out to be the most kind, sensitive-to-women and chivalrous men around. I’m realizing that dating should be taught.
How did you learn? There are lots of things about dating and sex that I wish I didn’t have to learn on my own.
Back to the date…No joke: after a couple discussions, the date plan was changed twice and we left the first place for another after we’d been seated. But we did end up at a nice Italian right on the main street down town. Great food, good conversation, flirting, open conversation. Highly enjoyable. Until the bill came. Am I wrong to want and expect to be treated to dinner? I offered to pay my part; I usually do. It seems the right thing to do even though I want to be treated. But this time I offered because he mentioned being “nervous to see the bill.” “Pay what you want” was his response. Hmmmmm…really? Reaching for my wallet, thinking ‘oops, do I have any cash?’ I said: “how about I pay the tax and tip?” Dinner total was only $58. He ended up covering the total. Was it a joke? Did he actually not want to pay? Who knows?
Now here’s the kicker. When it’s time for the date to be over we get to my car and he asks for a ride home. The first time we met he took a taxi to meet me out at birthday party at night. Red flag, right? No car? No license? DUI? Drunk before a dinner date? Well, I’m not going to skirt around any subject with a man I met on a dating website. I mean, we’ve both paid money to meet people, looking for a match; I need to know all the pertinent information up front.
I ask the questions. He “got a ride” to the date just in case he was too drunk to drive home. I’ll give him one thing; we met at a bar before dinner. But, I’m thinking it’s appropriate for a man to pick up a woman on a date and take her out. Am I wrong?
If his story is true the good thing here is that he is extra careful not to drive drunk. The bad news is that he considered getting that drunk on a first official date with me. Plus, second time meeting and no car sighting is odd in this county. Unless you’re a cyclist, you’re driving. Not the best public transit area.
I was right; the Groper made no plan. “When and where do you want to meet?” via text was his response to my text: “are we still on for tonight?” Now this is a nice guy, a gentleman, a single dad, teacher, open, seemingly honest. How does a man get to 36 without learning how to ask or take a girl out? Thus far in my current quest, this is a common occurrence. I’d say at the very least 50% of the single men in my age group have no clue how to man up, ask and take the lead on a date. I wonder if it has something to do with the state of the women’s movement in our society. It’s like the back lash of our quest for equality. We have scared the men away from the confidence to reach out to a woman for a date. Or maybe he’s just not that into me (accept for when he’s drunk and gropey).
My son will know how to date. I believe that men raised by single mothers turn out to be the most kind, sensitive-to-women and chivalrous men around. I’m realizing that dating should be taught.
How did you learn? There are lots of things about dating and sex that I wish I didn’t have to learn on my own.
Back to the date…No joke: after a couple discussions, the date plan was changed twice and we left the first place for another after we’d been seated. But we did end up at a nice Italian right on the main street down town. Great food, good conversation, flirting, open conversation. Highly enjoyable. Until the bill came. Am I wrong to want and expect to be treated to dinner? I offered to pay my part; I usually do. It seems the right thing to do even though I want to be treated. But this time I offered because he mentioned being “nervous to see the bill.” “Pay what you want” was his response. Hmmmmm…really? Reaching for my wallet, thinking ‘oops, do I have any cash?’ I said: “how about I pay the tax and tip?” Dinner total was only $58. He ended up covering the total. Was it a joke? Did he actually not want to pay? Who knows?
Now here’s the kicker. When it’s time for the date to be over we get to my car and he asks for a ride home. The first time we met he took a taxi to meet me out at birthday party at night. Red flag, right? No car? No license? DUI? Drunk before a dinner date? Well, I’m not going to skirt around any subject with a man I met on a dating website. I mean, we’ve both paid money to meet people, looking for a match; I need to know all the pertinent information up front.
I ask the questions. He “got a ride” to the date just in case he was too drunk to drive home. I’ll give him one thing; we met at a bar before dinner. But, I’m thinking it’s appropriate for a man to pick up a woman on a date and take her out. Am I wrong?
If his story is true the good thing here is that he is extra careful not to drive drunk. The bad news is that he considered getting that drunk on a first official date with me. Plus, second time meeting and no car sighting is odd in this county. Unless you’re a cyclist, you’re driving. Not the best public transit area.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)